I Still Believe

I Still Believe by Bishop Trotter

Like Bishop Trotter in this video, I still believe. I'm like Job, I've lost everything in a year, some caused by own actions and some caused by things I can't even explain to this day but I still believe. I've lost my girlfriend, my family, one of my political mentors, my mind, my political desire, my goals, friends, and even myself but now I'm found. I've hurt many people and been hurt by many people throughout this whole year but I still believe. I've cried myself to sleep many nights and many nights, I've never slept. I've lost things that were important to me and might have never been important to others but I still believe. I've been kicked, stomped on and spit on but I still believe. I've kicked, stomped and spit on others during this year but I am trying to make it up to those I have wrong because I still believe. Like Job, I've forgiven and don't care about what inflictions people have caused me because none of that matters in my new life. I still believe and I believe like I have never believed before. I have found my home, I have found a new passion, I have found a new calling and yet I still cry but not tears of sadness but tears of joy and happiness for my Father, my Savior and the fact I am back in the Kingdom of God.

I'm new and I'm never going down the path or the road I just experienced. Names will not define me and words will not become me but my actions with my words will be who I am and what I do. I'm no longer who people thought I was or who people want me to be but I am who God wants me to be and I am who Jesus died on the Cross for me to be. It took 25 years and 8 months for me to really become who I am now. It took from being jobless and broke with no phone and living in hell for 2 years for me to finally arrive where I am now. Still I cry and man do I cry because not only did I lose my girlfriend, she was more than just my girlfriend but she was my friend, a calming voice in the midst of the storm and someone I trusted more so than anyone else ever in my life. Still regardless of that, I still believe that God will bless us both. God will heal our hearts and make hers whole for someone else and mine whole to serve him. I still believe and I will never stop believing because I know my life could be worse than it is now but its not and its because I believe.

My Prayer

Lord,

Thank you for allowing me to see today and thank you for allowing me to see the error of my ways as well as the opportunity to redeem myself to those I have hurt. Please continue to give me strength to achieve your will as I come closer to understanding those things I am confused on and the things I believe I know but know I don't. Thank you Lord for all you do in this world and for guiding me during these moments of uncertainty. You are remarkable and I know you will continue to stand with me and I know no matter what happens in my life, you are with me each step of the way. Continue to give my friends and family--good health, strength and prosperity to see brighter days. In Jesus name, Amen!

Hurtful Words

It hurts when someone you still care about calls you names but the reality is that, you know its not them, its the devil in them that is doing it. I know that despite the hurtful words and the anger over materialistic things that God knows my heart now and knows that I am trying to make up for the wrong I've done in my life. Still regardless of it all, I pray that God heals their pain and allows me to keep my word so that I may repay quickly and be at peace.

No More

Its clear as ever that I'm not wanted by her any more but God wants me. Its clear that they only care about things and money while God cares about my soul and who I am. So no more is the answer for me and that's the answer that I will live with. Its crystal clear and I have to accept it, live with it and understand it.

Jackson 5 - I Want You Back (with Lyrics)

Jackson 5--I Want you Back 

-LYRICS-

Uh-huh huh huh huh

Let me tell ya now

Uh-huh

Verso 1

When I had you to myself

I didn't want you around

Those pretty faces always made you stand out in a crowd

But someone picked you from the bunch

when glance was all it took

Now it's much too late for me to take a second look

Refrão:

Oh baby give me one more chance

(show you that I love you)

Won't you please let me

(back to your heart)

Oh darlin' I was blind to let you go

(let you go baby)

But now since I see you in his arms

(I want you back)

Yes I do now

(I want you back)

Ooh ooh baby

(I want you back)

Ya ya ya ya

(I want you back)

Na na na na

Verso 2:

Tryin' to live without your love

Is one long sleepless night

Let me show you girl

That I know wrong from right

Every street you walk on

I leave tearstains on the ground

Following the girl

I didn't even want around

Let me tell you now

Refrão:

Oh baby all I need is one more chance

(show you that I love you)

Won't you please let me

(back to your heart)

Oh darlin' I was blind to let you go

(let you go baby)

But now since I see you in his arms

Uh-huh

A buh buh buh buh (2 times)

All I want

A buh buh buh buh

All I need

A buh buh buh buh

All I want

A buh buh buh buh

All I need

(Jermaine):

Oh just one more chance

to show you that I love you

baby (6 times)

(I want you back)

(Jackie):

Forget what happened then

(I want you back)

(Jermaine):

Let me live again

Oh baby I was blind to let you go

But now since I see you in his arms

(I want you back)

(Jackie):

Spare me of this cause

(Jermaine):

Gimme back what I lost

Oh baby I need one more chance ha

I tell ya that I love you

Am I a Self Serving Leader or a Servant Leader?

This is the question I have to ask myself the next 30 days as I have just completed the book, the Servant Leader. Effective Leadership starts on the inside. Servant Leadership starts with a vision and ends with a servant heart that helps people live according to that vision. One of the things to being a servant leader, I must have faith in unconditional love because it is proceeded with confidence grounded in trust. I must accept that I am unconditionally loved. "For God so loved You, he gave his only begotten son, Jesus Christ."

I need accept and realize that I can't win enough, accomplish enough, write enough, control enough, have enough to get any more love--I'm already got all the love there is. This is so powerful and once I accept that I'm unconditionally loved, then earthly things won't mislead me. I've discussed this issue before but unconditional love is one point I need to reach in order to be a servant leader for God which in turn will allow me to figure out the meaning of love, which is accepting that unconditional love is there no matter what I or anyone else does.

Understanding Holiness

Yesterday at Bible Study, I learned what holiness is and what is expected of those who are holy. One thing that kept coming up is that those who are holy must be willing to listen to the Lord. Those who are holy have to be obedient and as I look at it, I know I have not been obedient in the past and God knows that. However just because I was one way before, doesn't mean I have to be that way now. It is the now that matters and how we responded to our past that God is concerned about. I know my past is muddy but despite it all, I know some consequences are coming my way for my past misdeeds but God knows I am remorseful for it and I feel bad for it.

This is why I am trying to make up for it to those I have hurt as well as to those I encounter going forward because that's the only way I can do it. I don't have a time machine to go back in time to change the entire situation or circumstances but I can make the present better as I understand the holy life I am embarking on. My holiness is not predicated on one person or thing in my life but it is predicated on what I do and don't do from the moment I joined the kingdom of God.

Thus,  this is a pivotal point to figuring out the meaning of love which I know begins and ends not in mankind but with God who bears the fruit of love and teaches us as mankind what it is and has showed up love throughout our existence in his kingdom. From David to Job, we have read about God's love in the Bible and now I am just figuring it all out because I always had it wrong.