Sunday, October 3, 2010

My Heart Cries

Bishop Paul S. Morton Sr. song "Your Tears" is such a powerful song but it sums up how I feel. My tears are only temporary and I know God will deliver me from this state that I am at but I wish it would come sooner. My heart cries for her more and more each day. I miss her like crazy and my heart cries for her. I know that she wants nothing to do with me but I miss her and I just have to write about it. I used to put her above my Lord & savior which was wrong. I worshipped her and wanted her more than anything else including God which was not a good thing.

I now know how so many men and women felt when they prayed for a good mate and once they got that mate, they stopped going to church because they had want they wanted. I'm not saying that she drove me away from the Lord but she didn't drive me closer to it either. However it was the hardships that I was experiencing in my life especially with her that made me go to God more because I was losing my mind, my body and my spirit each day I was on this Earth. I was truly in a sad state of being but I'm better now but my heart still yearns and longs for her which is why I can't trust my heart. My heart is fragile and I can't believe in it to make decisions. That is definitely something I've learned on this journey to figuring out love.

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